Wedding Jokes: From Clean to Hilarious One-Liners.

Weddings are a celebration of love, joy, and laughter. A well-timed joke can lighten the mood, break the ice, and make the event unforgettable. Whether you’re the best man, maid of honor, officiant, or just a guest looking to entertain, this guide covers every type of wedding joke—from clean and kid-friendly to risqué and culturally specific. Wedding Jokes: “Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!”

Wedding Jokes: The Perfect Icebreakers

Best Wedding Jokes

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade!”
“The best part of the wedding? The reception—it took the cake!”
“Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gains her master’s.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!”
“A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible for it know what goes in it.”
“Marriage is finding one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: We supplement each other’s daily requirements.”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”
“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”

Also read: /good-afternoon-blessings/

Funny Wedding Jokes: Laughter Guaranteed

Funny wedding jokes should be lighthearted, relatable, and well-delivered. The best ones poke fun at marriage without being mean-spirited 48.

Funny Wedding Jokes

“Marriage is like a phone call: You start with a ring, and end with a bill!”
“Why did the groom bring a ladder to the wedding? Because he knew love was on the rise!”
“Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
“I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. She said, ‘Somewhere I’ve never been!’ I told her, ‘How about the kitchen?’”
“Marriage is like a hot bath—once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”
“My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down!”
“Marriage is all about teamwork—I make the plans, and my wife ensures we stick to them!”
“A husband takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.”
“Marriage is finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.”
“A husband is a guy who tells you when you’ve got spinach in your teeth—after you’ve given a big presentation.”

Wedding Jokes One-Liners: Quick & Hilarious

One-liners are perfect for speeches, toasts, or breaking the ice. They’re short, snappy, and memorable—ideal for keeping guests engaged.

One-Liners

“Marriage is like a workshop: He works, she shops!”
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
“I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”
“Marriage: Where ‘I love you’ turns into ‘Did you take out the trash?’”
“Why did the groom bring a ladder? To take their love to new heights!”
“A successful marriage requires falling in love with the same person many times.”
“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”
“They say opposites attract. She’s always right; he’s always… learning.”
“Why do brides wear white? To match the appliances!”
“Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”
“The secret to a happy marriage? A short memory and a long Netflix queue.”
“I love being married. It’s great to find that special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
“Marriage is like a phone call: Starts with a ring, ends with a bill.”
“Why did the couple go to therapy? They couldn’t agree on whose turn it was to apologize.”
“The best way to remember your anniversary? Forget it once.”

One-Liner Funny Wedding Jokes: Clean & Universal

These jokes are family-friendly and work for all audiences, from grandparents to kids.

Clean One-Liners

“Marriage is finding that one special person you’ll annoy forever.”
“Why did the bee get married? He found his honey!”
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”
“Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gains her master’s.”
“What’s the difference between a wedding and a funeral? At a funeral, you smell the flowers!”
“A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible know what’s in it.”
“Why did the bride bring a map? To navigate married life!”
“Marriage is teamwork: I cook, he eats, and the kids occasionally wash dishes.”
“What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!”
The couple’s love is like a fine wine—it gets better with age, but costs way more.”
“Why did the groom wear a suit? To look sharp for his love!”
“Marriage is like a hot bath—once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”
“What’s a wedding’s favorite exercise? The ‘I do’ squats!”
“Love is blind, but neighbors aren’t—close the curtains!”
“May your love be as endless as your Wi-Fi password.”

Dirty Wedding Jokes: For Adults-Only Crowds

Use with caution! These risqué jokes are best for bachelor parties or receptions with a mature audience.

Tastefully Naughty Jokes

“Marriage is like a deck of cards: Starts with hearts and diamonds, ends with clubs and spades.”
“Why did the couple skip the honeymoon? They already tested the ‘in sickness and in health’ part.”
“The secret to a happy marriage? Separate blankets—and occasional sleepovers.”
“May all your ups and downs be in the bedroom.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener—especially when you forget to knock.”
“Why do brides wear white? To remind the groom the kitchen appliances are off-limits.”
“Marriage is the only war where you negotiate with the general via text message.”
What’s the best part of marriage? Realizing ‘Netflix and chill’ now means actual Netflix.”
“Why did the groom bring a ladder to the honeymoon? To reach the high notes.”
“A toast to the happy couple: May your love life be like Wi-Fi—strong, connected, and never buffering.”

Wedding Jokes Are Clean: G-Rated Humor

For church weddings or family events, stick to these wholesome gems.

Clean Jokes

“Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing!”
“What did the ocean say to the bride? Nothing—it just waved.”
“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
“Why did the musician propose? He had strong ‘kneel diamond’ vibes!”
“Love is much like dancing; you just surrender to the music.”
“What’s a vampire’s least favorite wedding gift? A garlic blender.”
“Why did the couple hire a gardener? To let their love bloom!”
“Marriage is like a piano: Both must be in tune.”
“What’s the best wedding finance tip? Always marry for love—but check their credit score too.”
“Why did the bride sit on a clock? To make every second count!”

Short Wedding Jokes: Quick Laughs for Any Occasion

Short wedding jokes pack a punch in just a few words. Perfect for toasts, speeches, or even wedding invitations!

Bite-Sized Wedding Jokes

“Marriage: Where ‘for better or worse’ meets ‘I told you so.'”
“Why did the groom bring a pencil? To draw his conclusions!”
“Love is sharing your WiFi password.”
“Marriage is like a phone call – starts with a ring, ends with a bill.”
“What’s the difference between marriage and a tornado? Nothing – they both start with a lot of sucking and blowing!” (Use with caution!)
“Why do brides wear white? So the appliances match!”
“Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s.”
“What’s the best way to remember your anniversary? Forget it once.”
“Marriage is like a hot bath – once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”
“Why did the couple get married in a library? For the ‘happily ever after’ section!”
“What’s the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once.”
“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”
“Why did the groom bring a ladder? To take their love to new heights!”
“What’s the secret to a happy marriage? Separate bathrooms!”
“Marriage is like a deck of cards – starts with two hearts and a diamond, ends with a club and a spade!”

Wedding Jokes for Kids: Family-Friendly Fun

Keep the little ones giggling with these wholesome wedding jokes perfect for all ages.

Kid-Approved Wedding Jokes

“Why did the cookie go to the wedding? To find its sweetheart!”
“What do you call two birds in love? Tweethearts!”
“Why did the banana go to the wedding? Because it found its perfect ‘peel’!”
“What’s a wedding cake’s favorite dance? The cupcake shuffle!”
“Why did the teddy bear say ‘I do’? Because it was a bear-y special day!”
“What do you call a dinosaur wedding? A dino-snore!” (Cue groans!)
“Why did the computer go to the wedding? To find its perfect match!”
“What’s a ghost’s favorite wedding song? ‘Here Comes the Boo!'”
“Why did the math book get married? It found its perfect ‘sum’-one!”
“What do you call a snowman wedding? A chill celebration!”
“Why did the bicycle fall over at the wedding? It was two-tiered!”
“What’s a vampire’s least favorite wedding gift? A garlic-scented candle!”
“Why did the musician get married? He found his perfect ‘harmony’!”
“What do you call a fish wedding? A school of love!”
“Why did the clock go to the wedding? To make every second count!”

Wedding Jokes for the Groom: Good-Natured Roasts

Gently poke fun at the groom with these lighthearted jokes – perfect for best man speeches!

Groom-Focused Jokes

“[Groom’s name], we all know you’re not perfect… but hey, you’re perfect for [Bride’s name]!”
“They say opposites attract. She’s always right, and you’re… well, you’re here!”
“Marriage is about compromise. For example, [Groom] wanted a sports car, [Bride] wanted a house… so they compromised and got a house.”
“I’ve known [Groom] for years. Who would have thought he’d clean up this well?”
“[Groom] told me marriage won’t change him. [Bride], good luck with that!”
“They say you can tell a lot about a man by his hands. [Groom], show everyone your credit card!”
“To [Groom]: May all your ups and downs be in the bedroom!” (For adult crowds)
“They say love is blind. [Groom] must be blind to think he outkicked his coverage with [Bride]!”
“Marriage is like a phone call. [Groom] started with a ring… now he hopes he doesn’t get a bill!”
“They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering!”
“[Groom], remember: Happy wife, happy life. Unhappy wife… expensive life!”
“I asked [Groom] for marriage advice. He said, ‘Just nod and say yes, dear.’ Smart man!”
“They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. [Bride], good thing you can cook better than [Groom] can!”
“To [Groom]: Don’t worry about losing your freedom. You lost that when you said ‘I do’ at the proposal!”
They say marriage is about teamwork. [Groom] makes the mess, [Bride] makes him clean it up – perfect partnership!”

Wedding Jokes for the MC: Keep the Crowd Entertained

Master of Ceremonies needs an arsenal of jokes to keep energy high throughout the reception.

MC-Ready Jokes

“The couple has requested no rice throwing. Apparently [Groom] still eats like a bird.”
“We’re on a tight schedule tonight. The honeymoon suite is booked for midnight… and so is the Uber!”
“The open bar will close at 11. That’s 11 drinks per person, right?”
“Let’s give a round of applause for the wedding planner… and another for the couple who ignored all their advice!”
“The bouquet toss is coming up. Single ladies, this is your chance to catch something [Groom] never could – a hint!”
“We’ll be serving dinner shortly. Or as [Groom] calls it, ’round one.'”
“The couple has registered at Bed Bath & Beyond. Or as [Groom] calls it, ‘Bed and… why are we here again?'”
“Marriage advice for the couple: Never go to bed angry. Stay up and fight like civilized people!”
“The bar accepts cash, credit, and IOUs from [Groom’s] poker buddies.”
“We’ll be cutting the cake soon. Pro tip: The higher the cake, the shorter the marriage!” (Just kidding!)
“The DJ has been instructed to play romantic songs all night. Unless [Groom] loses the dance-off, then it’s straight to ‘I Will Survive.'”
“The couple wrote their vows. [Bride]’s were poetic and heartfelt. [Groom]’s fit on a Post-It note.”
“The honeymoon starts tomorrow. [Groom] packed sunscreen, swim trunks, and… oh right, his wife!”
“Let’s hear it for the parents! They raised these two wonderful people… and paid for this open bar!”
“Remember, folks, what happens at the wedding… ends up on Facebook by midnight.”

Wedding Jokes for Speeches: Perfect for Toasts

Wedding speeches need the right balance of humor and heart. These jokes will help you nail that balance.

Speech-Perfect Jokes

“Marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her master’s.”
“They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.”
“To the happy couple: May your love be like a good wine—getting better with age, though I can’t promise the same for your dance moves.”
“They say opposites attract. She’s always right, and he’s… well, he’s married to her now!”
“Marriage is about compromise. She wanted a wedding, he wanted a BBQ. So they compromised and had a wedding.”
“A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible know what goes into it.”
“They say love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener.”
“To the groom: Remember, a happy wife means a happy life. An unhappy wife means… well, let’s not go there.”
“Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.”
“They say the secret to a happy marriage is a short memory… and a long Netflix queue.”
“Marriage is like a phone call—it starts with a ring and ends with a bill.”
“To the bride: You look stunning today. Groom, you look… presentable.”
“They say you can tell a lot about a man by his hands. Groom, show everyone your credit card!”
“Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner.
“Here’s to love, laughter, and happily ever after. And to the groom’s credit score—may it survive the wedding expenses!”

Best Wedding Jokes: Crowd-Pleasing Classics

These are the all-time favorites—guaranteed to get laughs from any wedding crowd.

Best Wedding Jokes Ever

“Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.”
“Love is sharing your popcorn.”—Charles Schulz.
“They say marriage is about give and take. She gives the orders, he takes them.”
“Why did the groom bring a ladder? To take their love to new heights!”
“Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
“A toast to the happy couple: May ‘for better or worse’ be far better than worse!”
“Marriage is like a hot bath—once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.”
“They say love is blind. Marriage is the eye-opener.”
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”—Groucho Marx
“Why do brides wear white? So the appliances match!”
“Marriage is like a deck of cards—starts with hearts and diamonds, ends with clubs and spades.”
“They say opposites attract. She’s always right, and he’s… well, here!”
“A good marriage is like a casserole—only those responsible know what’s in it.”
“May your love be as endless as your Wi-Fi password.”

Wedding Jokes for the Officiant: Lighten the Ceremony

Officiants can use these to add humor while keeping things sacred.

Officiant-Approved Jokes

“Marriage is like a phone call—it starts with a ring and ends with a… lifetime subscription.”
“Do you, [Groom], promise always to let [Bride] be right… even when she’s wrong?”
“Love is patient, love is kind… and love is also realizing you’ll never control the TV remote again.”
“We’re gathered here today… because RSVPs were due three weeks ago.”
“Marriage is about compromise. For example, [Bride] wanted a beach wedding, [Groom] wanted a BBQ. So they compromised and had a beach wedding.”
“Do you, [Bride], promise to laugh at [Groom]’s jokes… even the bad ones?”
“They say marriage is a three-ring circus. Today, we’re just sticking to two rings.”
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener… especially when the bills arrive.”
“May your marriage be as strong as your Wi-Fi signal and as lasting as your phone battery.”
“By the power vested in me… and the open bar behind us, I pronounce you married!”

Christian Wedding Jokes: Faith-Friendly Humor

For church weddings, these clean, faith-based jokes add joy without offending.

Christian Wedding Jokes

“Marriage is God’s way of reminding us we’re not in control.”
“They say love is patient. So is waiting for the groom to pick a tie.”
“Adam and Eve had the perfect marriage… because he didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married.”
“Marriage is like Noah’s ark—better to be in pairs during the storms of life.”
“What did the pastor say to the nervous groom? ‘Don’t worry, son—even Moses had a burning bush!’”
“They say faith can move mountains. Marriage will teach you to climb them together.”
“Love is patient, love is kind… and love is also not complaining when he leaves the toilet seat up.”
“A successful marriage requires three rings: engagement, wedding ring… and suffering.” (Just kidding!)
“May your marriage be like Abraham and Sarah—long, faithful, and with fewer family dramas.”
“God made marriage so men and women could annoy each other for His glory.”

Indian Wedding Jokes: Culturally Specific Humor

Indian Wedding Jokes

“An Indian wedding is where the couple says ‘I do’ and the parents say ‘We paid!’”
“Indian weddings: Where the guest list is longer than the Mahabharata.”
“Why did the groom bring a calculator? To count the cash gifts!”
“An Indian wedding isn’t complete until at least one aunty asks, ‘Beta, when’s the baby coming?’”
“Indian wedding diets: Lose 5kg before the wedding, gain 10kg at the buffet.”
“The only thing longer than an Indian wedding is the mother-in-law’s advice.”
“Indian weddings prove love is blind… but the family isn’t!”
“Why do Indian weddings have so many photos? So you can prove you were awake during the ceremony.”
“An Indian groom’s biggest fear? The honeymoon… and his mother-in-law moving in.”
“They say marriage is a partnership. In Indian weddings, it’s a joint family enterprise.”

Lesbian Wedding Jokes: Inclusive & Playful

Celebrate love with these LGBTQ+ friendly jokes—funny without stereotypes.

Lesbian Wedding Jokes

“What’s the best thing about a lesbian wedding? Two brides mean double the dress drama!”
“They say marriage is about compromise. So who gets the U-Haul now?”
“A lesbian wedding is where ‘something borrowed’ is usually a flannel shirt.”
“Why did the brides hire a wedding planner? To mediate the ‘Butch or Femme’ seating chart debates.”
“What’s the lesbian version of ‘for richer or poorer’? ‘For IKEA or West Elm.’”
“They say love is blind. Good thing, because our wedding colors clash terribly.”
“What’s the shortest lesbian engagement? Six months—because who waits when you’ve got Pinterest boards ready?”
“A toast to the brides: May your love be as strong as your Wi-Fi signal during Netflix binges.”
“Why did the brides register at Home Depot? Because someone’s gotta build that dream house.”
“They say marriage is a journey. For lesbians, it’s a road trip with way too many snacks.”

Final Thoughts

Whether you’re the best man, officiant, or guest, the right joke can make a wedding unforgettable.